AFRICAN TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE

Marriage in Africa is defined as an agreement between a man and a woman to live together as husband and wife.

 In Africa, marriage is seen as a great institution. That is why it is always celebrated like a carnival.

For the sake of this discourse Igbo society in Nigeria will be used as a case study.

 In Igbo society, after marriage is contracted, the both families involved enter into a great bond that will last for a life time. That’s why the rate of divorce in Africa is very low. The woman married into a family is generally regarded as a wife to all members of the family, but it is only the husband that has the right to live with her.  This does not imply that there is any ‘bed room’ intimacy between the bride and others. Only the husband has the right to have sexual relationship with her.

The following are the rites which one is expected to perform before marriage is contracted.

Introduction: this is the first visit by the groom’s family to the bride’s family. The purpose of this visit is to inform them of their intention to marry their daughter. This ceremony is usually low-keyed, with only a small number of people in attendance. Items to be provided for this are two gallons of palm wine, kola nuts and non-alcoholic drinks. After the groom’s family had made their intent known, they will be told to go while the bride will be interrogated to know whether she accepts the suitor to marry her. This is the period when the bride’s family makes inquires about the history and life of their prospective in-law to find out whether there is any dark spot, such as theft, poisoning, witchcraft, or any undesirable behaviour in past or present. This inquiry is very important because, should they find any negative thing, message will be sent across to them not to bother coming back. In this case, a flimsy reason will just be given to them on why the marriage must not be contracted. This is because Africans believe in heredity, re-incarnation and law of karma. This means that when one marries from a family that is involved in these wicked acts, one will either give birth to offspring who will behave like them, or share in the repercussions from their evil deeds.
Note that the groom’s family does their own inquiry before going for introduction. If the suitor passes this test, the bride’s family will send a message across to the groom’s family through the go-between to come for the response.

The second visit: this is when a date is fixed for the payment of bride price and wine carrying. A convenient date is chosen for the ceremony. Necessary arrangements are made to entertain the guests.

Payment of dowry (bride price): this is a very important aspect of marriage. It is what confirms the couple as husband and wife. On the day of the event, the groom and his kinsmen will travel to the bride’s family. The bride’s kindred will also gather in large numbers to welcome their in-laws. This occasion is always high-keyed. The suitor must provide the food and wine that will satisfy all the guests in attendance. The occasion commences with the payment of the bride price. This exercise is done like a business transaction. Much bargaining is done before an agreement is reached, although most people tell their suitors to pay whatever they wish. But there is always an expected value placed on lady based on her academic qualification, beauty, hand work or wealth. After the payment of the dowry, everybody enters into merriment, but before that, there is what is called “seeking rite” that must be performed. The bride’s father will give a cup of palm wine to her and instruct her to show everybody her husband. The bride will walk round the vicinity with the cup of palmwine in her hand searching for the groom. When she finds him, she will give him the wine kneeling down. The groom will drink from the cup and give the rest to the bride to drink. When this rite is completed they will both walk up to the middle of the arena. The DJ or traditional dance troupe will give them a very good traditional music. As they dance, everybody will join and will be spraying money on them. Note that this ‘seeking rite’ is very important. If the bride refuses to give the wine to the groom or gives it to another person, the marriage will not proceed.

After the ceremony, the groom and his people will go home leaving the bride behind. The bride will take an empty keg of palm wine to the husband’s house the next morning. This is to officially know where she is going to live for the rest of her life.  This visit only lasts for four days. After which she will go back to her father’s house with some gifts, such as soaps, creams, clothes etc.

Wine carrying: this stage is characterized by merriment and celebration. Palm wine is bought in large quantity. A large number of people are invited from both families and well wishers. The bride and the groom will dress in uniformed traditional attire. The bridal train and the groom’s men will also appear on uniformed traditional attire. The bride will be responsible for all the food and drinks to be taken on that day. There is no limit to this, but there is always a set standard.  How wealthy the groom is determines how much he can provide. The “seeking rite” will be performed here again, when the bride finds the groom there will dancing and merriment as the well wishers spray money on them. Most mothers give their daughters what they need in their new homes such as cooking utensils, bicycles, cars, motorcycles, houses, freezers etc. There is no specification here, how wealthy the bride's family is determines what they will give to their daughter. After this presentation the bride’s family will bless the couple and the groom will then take his bride home for a marital bliss.  

AFRICAN PROVERBS

Proverbs are words or statements that have implied meanings. They have meanings other than their literary meanings. In Africa, Proverbs are given it's proud of place. It is regarded as the words of wisdom. An elder is regarded as being wise if he is known to be a good user of proverbs. Mostly, it is not condoned for teenagers to use it when conversing with elders. It is a special preserve for the mature mind. In Africa, it is always fun for one to be in the gathering of elders. Observing their artistry and mastery in the act is always a thing of great delight.

The main purpose of this discourse is to show the beauty of proverbs, the usage and meanings. Below are examples of some proverbs and their meanings.
The proverbs are the first statements in the sentences while the ones in brackets are their meanings.



Proverb is the oil by with words are eaten (proverbs are very important in expressions).

A toad does not run in day time for nothing (things do not just happen without a cause)

A child who stops his mother from sleeping will not sleep either (One who wants to be wicked towards others will also have a taste of wickedness).

When an old woman falls two times she will count the contents of her basket ( it is good for one to carry out self appraisal to be able to re-strategize).

A recalcitrant house fly follows the corpse to the grave (One who does not listen to advices will always live to regret it).

When the genitals are exposed, there is no reason to be shy again (When secrets are made public; there is no need for pretense).

When a divorced woman marries another man she will be able to know the better one (When one tries two options; one will know the better one).

The tortoise said that the spit by his wife has given him satisfaction whether it is a sign of pregnancy or not (a positive sign no matter how little denotes that the outcome may be favourable).

When the she-goat chew the chord her kid will always watch her mouth (the parent's behaviour influences their ward's behaviour either positively or negatively).

A calf must squat to be able to suck her mother's breast (one must stoop to conquer)
What an elder sees setting on a chair a child cannot see it even if he stands on a ladder (wisdom comes with age).

A man who has traveled to many places has more stories to tell than an a man with gray hair who never left his house (the more one goes to different places the more one acquires information and knowledge).

One who steals his neighbours gong can never make use of it without raising suspicion (an evil doer will always be exposed by his evil deeds).

A man who is loved by many women always has an empty pocket to show for it (a womanizer spends most of his money on women).

One who brings Ant-infested firewood into his house invites lizard for a feast (most people are the architects of their own problems).

If death does not kill a sacrificial yam it must surely germinate (as long as there is life there is hope).

When the bread fruit reaches its maturity stage it must surely fall down (when things reach the ample time they must surely manifest).

A pregnant woman can never conceal her pregnancy with her palms (truth can never be hidden for long).

When birds learn to fly without perching; hunters will also learn how to shoot without aiming (desperate situations need desperate measures).

It is only a mad man who chases after rats when his house is on fire (it is reasonable to be committed to the important issues not frivolities).

It is absurd to ask whether the fire that burnt a white man to death touched his mustache (it is unreasonable to doubt the obvious).

A masquerade that comes out in the afternoon should expect that both men and women will see him (one who disgraces oneself in the public should not be worried when people talk about it).

It is not good for one to wash ones dirty underwear in the public (it is better to keep personal and private matters so).

FORCED/EARLY MARRIAGE

Must every relationship end up in marriage?

Marriage is supposed to be an agreement between two persons. Nowadays some marriages are forced. One partner may be willing while the other may not be. The willing partner will device all foul means to achieve his/her aim. Just yesterday a teenage girl of about 16 years in my neighbourhood ran away from home because the parents were forcing her to marry a 45 years old divorcée. This story is one among many in Africa.

Teenagers are forced into marriage daily in Africa. Most of these girls suffer on-told hardships in their married life.

The major causes of this trend are poverty and illiteracy. Most of these families live in abject poverty, so they see giving their daughters out in marriage as a good way to reducing their burden. The family size is usually big, as most of them do not control birth. Their lean resources definitely cannot sustain them. So the only way out is to get rid of the girls through marriage.

The only solution here is family planning and education. The families should control their births and also make girl child education compulsory. But who will bail the cat judging from the high level of economic melt down and official corruption by African politicians. It is not that Africa and other third world countries do not have the resources but, those resources are mismanaged by greedy and selfish politicians. To address this problem, poverty must be eradicated or better still reduced before any headway is made.

Another major challenge in solving this problem is religion. Some religions believe that as early as when a girl child starts her menstrual cycle is the right time to give her out in marriage. So a lot is still needed to be done in order to change the mindset of these particular people.

All eyes are still on donor agencies to help save this generation. Through aid, awareness etc.

ULTIMATE CLUB INTERNATIONAL

ULTIMATE CLUB is an association of like minds. The club was formed in 1999 by seven young men who were upcoming scholars in Amufie, Enugu Ezike in Igbo Eze North L.G.A of Enugu State, Nigeria. The major objective then was to bring youths of Nigeria under one umbrella and to promote the development of the society. The club was inaugurated on 27th December, 2001. Its motto is; 'sowing for sustainence'. Ever since, the club has been growing from strength to strength, providing social support for the less privileged and supporting education through offering of scholarship to gifted but less privileged children. The club has always been an agent of change with regards to educating people on the dangers of HIV/AIDS, Malaria and other critical issues. In fact ULTIMATE CLUB is synonymous with benevolence; social and academic emancipation of the people. Presently, the club is made up of 22 members; they are:

Agbedo Uchenna.
Ejiofor Uchenna.
Eya Mmaduabuchi.
Okey Charles.
Eze Kenneth.
Eze Jacob.
Ugwu Oluchukwu.
Ejiofor Oluchukwu.
Eze Chinedu.
 Eke Edwin.
Itodo Ifeanyi.
Eke Celestine.
Eze Martins.
Ali Hycienth
Eke Christian
Ojobo Ikechukwu
Eya Ifeanyi
Onoyima Echezona
Ojobo Joseph

The club has the target of putting smiles on the faces of many people in the nearest future through partnership with other donor agencies.

THE DYNAMISM OF LOVE

The word LOVE has been bastardized by many. People abuse this word recklessly out of their inability to distinguish between emotions and lust. The sexual libido is so reactionary that it puts people into euphoric conditions, thereby brainwashing them into believing that what they feel is love. That is emotions or better still infatuation. Love as an internal feeling is characterized by the feeling of selflessness. It involves being deprived for others to have. It's the tendency to give our lives for others to live. It involves giving without expecting anything in return. It does not look for reward. It is satisfied by the desire to do good.

I once asked my girl friend who claimed she loved me whether she can donate one of her kidneys in case I needed a kidney transplant to save my life. She could not answer the question. After that she learnt how not to use the word love carelessly. This love is hard to find. Agape is the best form of love. It can be best described as God's love for mankind.

When people feel romantic or erotic they misinterpret that to be love. Sexual urge are triggered by a lot of chemical reactions in human body. It creates sensational feeling that is very difficult to be described. This is not love but simple biology. When next an opposite sex confesses love to you check out his/her emotions towards you to understand whether it is lust or infatuation. This true love can still be found among people.

THE HISTORY OF ENUGU EZIKE

Enugu Ezike is a town located at Igbo-eze north local government area of Enugu state, Nigeria. It is reputed as the largest single community in West Africa. It is made up of 36 villages. Their major occupation is Palm wine tapping. Their wine is regarded as the best in Nigeria. Every morning people travel from far and wide to buy Palm wine from the town. They are also renowned for their belief in African traditional religion. There are many sooth sayers, traditional Herbalists and medicine men in Enugu Ezike. It is a widely held belief that the herbalists even commune with the spirits. Most of these claims are verified, although some of them still remain myths and folk stories. The main talisman they are known for is the traditional bullet proof otherwise know as 'Odeshi' in Igbo language Which means 'bullets can't penetrate'.
Having given an introductory note, it's time to give an analogy on the origin of Enugu Ezike.

Over 500 years ago, in the ancient city of Benin kingdom, presently in Edo State, Nigeria, the Oba, the king of Benin had a son who was the Prince and the heir to the throne. His name was Ejige Oba. He was a very skillful hunter. He was not in good terms with the father because he lived a wayward life. When the king could no longer condone his excesses, he decided to sell him off to the slave traders. When the queen got a hint of the plot against her son, she told the son to run away. This he did and traveled to Igala land, presently in Kogi State. Being a Prince he settled in the house of Ata of Igala, the king of Igala land. He could not stay there. He moved on to Iheaka presently in Enugu state. He continued with his hunting expedition and this endeared him to the people.

He married four wives who gave birth to four sons, namely: Ezodo, Itodo, Essodo and Ozzi. These sons make up the four paramount Villages in Enugu Ezike today. The name Ezike came from Ejige, while the name Enugu was given to him because he lived on the mountain top. Now the descendants bear the name Enugu Ezike or Ezike Oba.

HUMAN PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

Human Personality are those unique characteristics which an individual possess that makes him or her different from others. Human personality is a complex entity. It is difficult to fathom. The theory of individual differences is rooted in personality. No two persons have the same personality, not even homo-zygote twins. Scientists over the years had tried to discover the 'why'.

Personality is built right from the pre-natal environment. As the child goes through the bio-chemical changes in the womb its personality is being shaped. This environment is very important for the growth of the child. The mother's way of life goes a long way to determine the adjustment of the child. Most alcoholic and cigarette smoking mothers end up giving birth to maladjusted babies. This is evident in the fact that the serenity and comfortability of the womb determine whether the child will be normal or abnormal.

The ability of the child to adapt well to the environment is shaped by the genetic materials inherited from the parents.When the child is born, the culture and socialization will start molding him. The genetic make up of the child is the blue-print of behaviour.. As the child grows in the society, the culture then shapes the personality. Human personality development endures from the cradle to the grave. Infact it is a product of nature and nurture.

The understanding of human Personality is very necessary in interpersonal relationship. Most of the problems between individuals and nations in our world today were caused by the inability of human beings to understand or tolerate one another. If only we will begin to understand that no two people are the same, then the world will become a better place. We should not always expect others to like what we like or hate what we hate. Let empathy and objectivity be our watchword